Super Metroid: Page 7

I thought the last update was huge. I’m not splitting this, either. You’re getting it in one huge chunk. We had last left Sammy in a world of confusion. Standing there, submerged, pondering if her suit will soon run out of air. I’m glad this game isn’t timed.

This is the other side of the grapple room. We’ll get tired of seeing this.

It’s JUST high enough where we can’t directly jump to it at an angle. Fuck whoever though this was a good idea.

That doesn’t mean that we can’t jump from under it, because I am a cheap bastard.

You may remember this room, where there were ways to go, and I went down? Let’s go left.

Haha, pre-provided jump points are for pansies. Wall jump, plz.

Oh, hay, a door.

Totally nothing here. Let’s turn around an get out.

What the fuck? This isn’t the room I came in through. EXPLORE TIME!

Dead end.

Or not. Damn those sly Nintendo programmers.

Nothing down there. Up we go.

Don’t mind me. Just need up there.

Boom! Biff! Nothing down there, either.

Come on. You know me better than this.

Exploring, and making sure there’s no secrets. As you can see, there are none.

I’ll just randomly run at a wall now.

A wall that does not exist. Huh?

Going back down to the sand room from earlier, let’s try the other side of the puzzle.

Fuck fuck shit!

I, like a retard, managed to jump up here easy, but then lept off. It would take me upwards of five minutes to get back up. Why, you ask?

That’s why.

Elapsed time between screenshots: 7 minutes of frustration.

FUCK! I’m THIS close to saying “Fuck this powerbomb.”

Please tell me you see how I got that. I didn’t photograph it, because I’m supposed to get it later on.

More grapple points. This one’s mighty odd, though.

The next room proves more interesting. Look, hidden path!

FUCK. This isn’t going to be easy, is it?

There is no way to jump up there. Right now.

Oh, hay. Secret passageway. I didn’t take a picture of where it leads, because the puzzle in the room requires reflexes.

I can’t seem to phase these guys. I need better guns.

Back to the grapple room.

This is the sand pit room. I wall jumped up here. I was supposed to grapple beam.


Speed trap!

Oh, hay, four holes in the wall. Nothing wrong here. Nope.

Why am I always wrong with my predictions?! =[!!! =[!!!! =[!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hahah, fuck you and die. Note how many super missiles I shot. =[

There is totally a way to get in there. I’ve done it before.

ELAPSED TIME: 25 minutes. Score: Energy Tank Puzzle 1 – Samus 0

Hmm. Not hurting.


Just a door.

Whatever we do here, let’s not jump off this ledge.

Great. Just great. You did it anyway Sammy.


There’s two ways to beat this guy. The right way and the cheap way. Guess which I chose.

OW FUCK SHIT DAMN!!!! This here is the cheap way to kill off this bastard. I think there’s supposed to be another way of killing this guy; I’m not sure.

Ahhh, the Space Jump. This turns Sammy into a Whirling Vortex. Too bad she can’t kill things with it.

Let’s get out of here!

What’s down here?

Let’s ignore it and get the real prize!

This would have been nice earlier. It leads to a missile refill room.

This was locked before.

Nothing over here. This room was to have you learn your Space Jump skills really quick. It involves timing and reflexes.

This was the first room I broke down here.

This was locked before.

These guys again. Great.

FUCK YES!!!!!!!!!!! This is the strongest beam in the game. I can now kill those fuckers. Oh yes. Sweet revenge.


Space Jumping to avoid nonsense.

Okay, so there was a way up.

Not pictured: Dirty little whore bats who can cancel my Space Jump.

Let’s see where this goes!

It’s a goner. But now I can’t progress.

Hey, wow! It can dig through the sand that Sammy’s Powerbombs can’t! I love video game logic!

I don’t know what this is telling me.

Go the other way, der.

AWESOME! Where was this an hour ago?! I could have USED it!!


HAHAHAHAHA! Fuck you, Grapple room!

Remember this room? Now I can bounce up there quite easily.


We’re reaching the end of this, people. There isn’t much to do. Now, do I go for 100% completion? Of course! Will things get weird from here on out? You know it!

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