I wrote this a couple of months after the LJ-list. It wasn’t stolen, so I assume it wasn’t well received. Or maybe I never advertised it. Whichever, it’s now on Oapboap.org.
Having fully experienced the glory of Windows, I can assure you that this is the finest guide to getting royally fuct while using Windows! YAY! Before we begin, however, I must get this out of the way:
If you’re actually going to do this, and like get really sick and almost die, it’s your fault now that you’ve read this! I’m clear. Or you could just be a pansy and use water or pop or something that can’t kill you.
First of all, you need a ‘high quality’ computer running Windows, so either a HP or a Compaq or some other machine like that. For best results, use a HP Pavillion ze1000, with faulty RAM.
You, obviously, need something to drink, and LOTS of it.
You might want spare time, and time to recover from a hangover if you’re doing this with alcohol.
Are you set? I hope so! Let’s begin!
Drink everytime you see Microsoft on the screen. I never said this would be easy. For example, if your screen reads: “Microsoft Internet Explorer – Microsoft Windows Update <Microsoft Windows logo> Microsoft Windows Microsoft.com home | Site map Search Microsoft.com for: ‘stuff’ Microsoft reccomonds.. ‘blah blah’ Â©2005 Microsoft Corp. ‘blah’ Microsoft” You would drink eight times. If you’re still sober after that one, continue.
Take a drink every time Windows mentions ‘Security’. Meaning if ‘Windows Security’ pops up, you drink. If your browser says something isn’t secure, you drink. Anything that’s not secure to your system, you drink to.
Take a swig whenever you see the word “Windows” (this page does not count).
Drink anytime you have to restart your computer. This could be due to an update, a freeze, installing/uninstalling. And, don’t think you get out of the first rule by this one, drink for those four Microsofts at startup. Seriously, if you can go on after this, go on! If not, you can stop and no one will think less of you, solider!
Speaking of Windows drink every time you see the Windows logo. Only once per logo. So the Start menu would be one, the start up screen would be another and the login prompt would be another. Anytime you see those four colors, you drink. If you’re not on the floor tasting your drink again, continue to the ULTRA BONUS ROUND!
ULTRA BONUS TIME!!!
If you’re here, you’re either using an Apple or Linux system, or you’re Irish. Whatever the case maybe, this is fun time here.
CHUG if you get a Blue Screen of Death. Keep chugging until your machine is useable.
Every time Windows asks you “Are you sure <insert something here>?” you take two drinks.
Evertime you use Windows Update you take three drinks for every item there. For example if you had three new updates for Windows, you take nine drinks. If you have ten, you take thirty. Is it me or was the Windows Update page almost made for this drinking game?
Is it me or was the Windows Update page almost made for this drinking game?