Super Metroid: Page 6

When we had last left Samus, she had discovered her inner lesbian most awesome suit upgrade yet, and fucked over a ghost boss. All in a day’s work for the great SPACE bounty hunter. Where will today lead?

Haha, fuck you water. I have the Gravity suit, you can’t do dick to me.

I love the logic here. The live current will hurt Sammy, but if it touches the water, it doesn’t do anything. I love this.

I could go through this door. But that out of place block has my attention.

What’s different in this picture? Do you see it yet?

Please tell me you see it now.

Look at the map. There was something missing before. And this room can’t connect to the door.

After a simple grapple hook puzzle, sammy claims her prize–more energy.

Ah. This room is also a grapple room. Optionally, you can walk along the floor and jump out. Guess which I did.

Innuendo. But, really. This is going somewhere.

Maybe here.

Well, hell. A dead end. Even if that block looks a bit out of place. I’m sure it’s not important.

Leaving the maze, this room takes us to an elevator, where we can go down. Down to the most wonderful part of the game.

Welcome to Maridia. You’ll be seeing plenty of this place.

I wonder what’s in this sand. Oh well, we’ll just press onward, ignore the obvious hint I just gave.

This room is freaking tall. I’m sure there’s a fair way to get up there. However, I don’t play fair. Sammy wall-jumps to victory.

Humor me. Don’t give into the obvious way my mind is thinking right now. This is actually a quick transport tube. Too bad it looks like something else, now that I look at it.

The dildo tube lead to here. Whereever here is. I hate this part of the game.

It is quite possible to go this way. Those bitches freeze real good.

However, if you’re not a crack shot, they hide in the sand and shoot shit at you. The revenge on these is quite sweet.

There is not a clue in the image. At all.

Or this one. Now, where did I put Sammy?

Ever have the feeling of being very very alone? Yes, it’s amplified here, through sweet sweet music.

Oh look, our glass tube friend. Haha. Now I can explore without being water’s bitch.

This looks like a nice fun room. Note my Super Missile count. (Second icon, for those not in the know.)

I’m sure this isn’t here for any reason at all. Just another piece of seaweed. Again, note Super Missile count.

A tricky puzzle leads to this. Each Super Missile spent is a try. See how many tries it took me to get this?

GOODIE! MORE GRAPPLE POINTS!!!!! Why didn’t I do a RPG? Fuck.

Oh shi–where’s Samus?


How cleaver of them to do this. Dicks.

Left or right? Which one?

The correct answer was “Powerboom the floor, run and get this.

And this.



ARRGH! How in the hell do I solve this puzzle?!?!?!!!!

Up will let us ride a great glass elevator!

A power bomb will reveal the way.. (I was here REALLY early in the game, if you can’t tell.)

.to ater and spikes. What an awesome combo.

Note. I did not use the wall jump here.

So I missed the chance to snap photo. Missile upgrade. I have an odd feeling about this room too.

Oh look. Hidden shit.

I hope you remember this room from my second update! We’re gonna rip it open!

As usual, the Power Bomb is the most awesome weapon.

Going down? (Yes. I would like to. One day.)

She’s a brick house. She’s mighty mighty.

Where do you want to go today? ™®©MICROSOFT

So, basically, I accomplished nothing and updated. Sweet!

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