Super Metroid: Page 5

Well, if you last remember, Sammy had just gotten her Grapple Beam and was ready to go exploring. You know, maybe continue the game, instead of breaking it. But it’s funner to do things our of sequence. Especially in a game like this. Anyhow. Let us continue.

Haha, fuck you grapple beam points.

Well, this was pretty simple. This will let us see things that are under things. Sup ladiez?

Oh, look, even a High School student could see past this.

How in the fuck to I get into that door?

A whole new WOOOORRRRRLLLLDDDDD! Fuck this stage.

The place is deserted. Good, more for Sammy to plunder. But, there’s no power. =[ No power means no working doors, or anything that–you know–requires power. Oh, and there just happens to be ghosts.

No power means the advanced SPACE SPIKES™®© don’t work, and kill Sammy. So, why do we want to power this bitch again?



There’s nothing down here. Not at all.

I hate it when I’m wrong. So, there’s non powered robots that will probably kill me, and there’s a functioning door. The hell?

Nothing in here, I’ll just turn around now.

God fucking damnit. Not only is there something, it launches blue fire. How can this get better?

Oh, he can disappear and shoot fire too? Fucking awesome!

This is TOTALLY fair! Fuck this game.


Fuck. This. Game. I quit. We’re doing Mario now.

Ahh. How relaxing. I think I can do something here and screw with Mario.


Oh look. Power. Wonderful. Those robots will repair me, right?

They don’t look too helpful. ='[

Oh, goodie. Grapple points. Over SPIKES! I really think I should have played Mario.

These guys usually give rewards. Why in the fuck–oh goodie. It moves. To the spikes. I’m so fucking dead.

Haha, or not. While riding the Chozo statue, the two discover a secret passage way, and have some fine tea.

! YES! Not only does this make (give) Sammy a big huge lesbian, but it also gives her full mobility in (bed) water. Oh, and reduces damage taken.

Lol, purple.

Stay tuned for the next chapter, where Sammy gets in touch with her inner child.

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