Letters to the Internet (Volume 1)

Hello, and welcome to a new BLOLg entry. This one is going to be a recurring theme on Oapboap.org. I call it “Letters to the Internet”. Basically what will happen is I will take on a different persona and write a letter to the great big internets. Because, as we know, the internet is controlled by one person, and that one person reads all this shit.

Seriously

In this installment I will take on the persona of the ANGRY MOTHER RAPTOR DEFENDING HER NEST FROM THE HORRORS OF THE INTERNET!!! (Don’t read that until you’ve read the letter.)

Let’s get the show on the road.

From: Best Mom Ever <soccermomsuv678145602481245@aol.com>
To: Internet Controller <controller@internet.com>

Dear Internet Controller,

Recently, I managed to spy on my son and his internet usage. I have discovered that there are horrors on your internet. Did you know that there are websights out there that feature pornography and other lewd acts. My son was watching a movie of some woman with a pen*s between her breas*s! Naturally, I was horrified the he was watching this, but it was more shocking the he found it on YOUR INTERNET!! This is unacceptable, and I want those sights takend down asap, for the goodness and wholesomeness of my son.

If you do not remove this filth within 48 hours of receiving this e-mail, I will be forced to TAKE LEGAL ACTION. I ALREADY HAVE MY LAWYER CALLED AND SHE HAS BEEN INFORMED OF WHAT LITTLE JOHNNY HAS SEEN. SHE SAYS THE CASE WOULD WIN IN ANY COURT AND THAT I WOULD GET MONEY FROM MY SONS MENTAL DAMAGE. REMOVE THIS FILTH NOW BEFORE MORE PEOPLE RIGHT TO YOU AND TAKE LEGAL ACTION. I KNOW THAT YOU RE NOT MADE OF MONEY.

—————
Roxanne, the world’s best mom!
Ed, the greatest husband and dad!!
My family!
Trish, Age 12
Johnny, Age 11
Billy, Age 7
Emily, Age 6
James, Age 6
Karter, Age 4
Kari, Age 1
Sgt McFluffers, Age 3 (That’s 21 in dog years!!)

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