How to be successful twitter user!

Or: How to be a twitter faggot.

So, there’s this thing on the internet called twitter, and the site is a damned nice idea. You answer a simple question in 140 characters or less. I have an account there, and if you’re an internet ninja, you can find it. You add other internet people, and you read their replier, reply to them, and they reply to you. Faster than forums, slower than IM, but still kind of neat. Then there’s the faggots; who insist on taking this microblogging bullshit to the extreme. Oh, fuck me, I just used the word microblogging. Anyhow, these faggots go above and beyond the call of duty. So, I’m going to present to you (including pictures!) the complete guide on how to be successful on twitter, meaning being a complete microblogging faggot!

Part 1 – Be a faggot
Sub-clause:
1. Create a fucking account, faggot!
2. Set up ways to tweet, what the extreem twitter faggots call updating, to the site. IM or txt is fucking PREFERRED. Mainly txt, because you can’t be a tech-faggot without one.

Part 2 – Learn how to update
Sub-clause:
3. The site asks you a simple question: “What are you doing?”

Simple, right?
This is simple enough, right?

However, if you tweet something like this:
WRONG
Wrong, faggot.

So, if that’s wrong, how about tweeting something like this:
WRONG, FAGGOT
WRONG, FAGGOT!

Holy fuck, I suck! Okay, I must learn. plz2bhlpng oapboap
4. Don’t actually -answer- the question. Instead, answer it -ironically-. Tweet about new images you uploaded, shit you’re selling. A twitter meet-up (a collection of faggots). Invite people to lunch. If you think it’s fucking retarded, than tweet it. You’re going to be awesome!

Part 3 – Updating frequency
Sub-clause:
5. You need to tweet as much as humanly possible. Chances are your updates are going to someone’s cell phone, and we all have unlimited text messages, right? We don’t pay 15 cents per messages if we go over a limit, because we have none.
6. Update as much as possible from your phone. Include pictures.

Remember, if you follow these six easy steps, you too can be a huge twitter faggot–er–success!

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